Crossing the crazy line and the ocean....

Our case "is still under orphan investigation.  At this time there is no new information about your case.  We ask for your patience." according to the email we received from the embassy.  After a week they finally responded with those few sentences and answered none of my questions.  Questions like "Could you please specify what attempts you are making to contact the police officer?" "In your professional opinion is it likely our case will be clearly approvable?"  "Do you have an estimated time frame of when a decision will be made regarding our case?" Thank you for your service to our country.   I feel like this is similar to your loved one being in the hospital, very sick, and you asking the Doctor what the plan and prognosis is and the doctor responding, "We are still trying to figure out what's going on, please be patient."  That would not fly.  Because families want to know what the doctor is doing, what tests, what labs and what his professional outlook is on your loved one's life.  That is their job!  I feel like the embassy is not doing their job.  And it crushes me.

So a week from today I'm leaving on a jet plane and heading back to Ethiopia to love on our little guy and go to the embassy and see if they will answer my questions in person.  Worst case scenario: Nothing in our case changes and Noah gets lots of love and cuddles and is reminded that he has a mom and a dad who love him very much and who are fighting very hard to bring him home.  Best case scenario:  Our case gets moving and I bring Noah home with me that week!  There are obviously lots of "middle" scenarios, one of which might include me staying in Ethiopia a little longer than planned if needed.  Some might call this crazy.  If that's the line we're crossing it when I cross the ocean.  We are in a very weird place in a very complicated process.  I'll admit, even as an adoptive parent, when we were in Ethiopia in December and other families were even more deep in this than we are now I. did. not. get. it.  But now here we are and I. get. it.

Yesterday I had a date afternoon/evening with this really hot guy I know.  Incase you just happened across my blog and don't know me I am talking about my husband :)  We went for a 3 mile run, watched UofL basketball and ate sushi.  It was perfection.  The loop we went for a run on is very windy and has lots of trees and hills.  So it is difficult to see what's ahead.  I was on the very last and longest hill and turned a corner thinking the top would be in site and I would see Dan there waiting for me.  Nope.  I turned the bend to realize I was only about half way up this forever long climb.  Oh my.  I took a deep breath and pushed it.  A police officer with his two dogs were running in the opposite direction of me and had already passed me once said "You can do it! Keep pushing!"  I got a little pep in my step and just when I thought I was going to vomit or pass out or both I finally came around the curve I thought I was at 5 minutes before and saw the top.  What a picture of this adoption process.  Just when I thought we were almost there I get an email that knocks the breath out of me saying nothing has changed, no progress, no closer to getting Noah home.  All I know to do is take a deep breath and push it.  I'm so thankful for the encouragers in my life.  Those sweet precious people who don't say "I'm praying for you" just because they think it's nice to say but those dear friends who are getting down on their knees on Noah's behalf and crying along side of us.  Because dear friends you are giving me a little pep in my step, you're helping me put aside all the pain that this long climb is causing and to keep pushing it.  So for the prayers, the hugs, the notes, the texts, thank you.

I am longing for the downhill run of this race.  The part where my body weight alone propels me forward and it takes so much less effort.  The part where we bring Noah home.  Right now there are just trees and curves and steep hills.  Hopefully we'll get there before I vomit, pass out, or both.

Reality Check

So this is what I know.  I know that a couple years ago there were some agencies in Ethiopia that weren't being super ethical.   Because of this adoptions in Ethiopia were getting a lot of attention, not the good kind.  The result is officials at the US embassy investigating cases more thoroughly and sending them on to the people at USCIS who have more authority when they are not satisfied with the results of the investigation.  What I also know is that in some cases adoptive families have, rightfully so, been very frustrated with the way the embassy is going about this task.  It doesn't take a genius to draw a very sad conclusion here.  If logistics of adoption are slack it opens up big doors for child trafficking (despite adoptive families intentions of adopting a "true" orphan).  If logistics of adoption are too tight it means children spending longer in orphanages or worse promises a life of institution or poverty for children who don't have enough paperwork to back up their status as orphan under US law.  When I think of babies being caught up in either side of this my heart is broken.
What I also know though is that God's word is true and I can trust in His promises.  This is not always easy, in fact at times in life it's very hard to do.   Hebrews 11:1-3 says "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.  For by it the people of old received their commendation.  By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible."  I have been earnestly and continually praying for God to work a miracle and bring my boy home in a crazy short amount of time.  At times, it has been more of a cry than anything else, claiming truths in God's word and wondering why it wasn't working in my box of a time frame.  Doesn't God know how much I want Noah to be home, doesn't He know that an orphanage is no place for a baby, doesn't He know that my life is on hold waiting for an email to get on a plane, doesn't He know that my good friend who is traveling with me is under the same hesitation to make any major commitment?  Oh ridiculously selfish me! Of course He knows! Of course the God who spoke the world into existence knows all of these things.  The question is what do I know?  Do I know that God is faithful, do I know that He loves Noah more than I do, do I know that God left the throne and came down to earth as a baby and died a brutal death so that I might have hope in eternal life?  Do I know that His word is true and I can claim it's promises?  Of course I know these things.  Over and over God has shown me that He is faithful, that He brings me through times when I can't carry my own weight, that His plan is far better than what I could work out for myself.
Yesterday, my sweet Bella Kate was very sick and she brought me a reality check.  She hadn't kept anything solid down all day and asked me for a chocolate cookie and ice cream cone.  I told her no I was making her homemade chicken noodle soup, didn't that sound good?  Nope, she wanted a chocolate cookie and ice cream cone.  But because I love her very much and did not want her to suffer the consequences of revisiting a chocolate cookie and ice cream cone, that would be far worse than the pleasure of eating them, I did not give in.  She could have chicken noodle soup.  I promised her when she was better she could have those things.  She was skeptical and I got the vibe that she felt I was denying her a great pleasure.  She had asked me early in the day, "Mommy, will you take good care of me today?" I of course told her yes, I would do everything I could to make her feel better.  In her almost 4 year old way I wonder if she was reconsidering that answer.  If I was going to take good care of her why wouldn't I give her what she wanted?!?  Because, I, maker of the ice cream cone, could see something she couldn't see and I want what is best for her.  I thought to myself, why doesn't she know that?  Her whole life I have met her needs, given her things, loved her.  Doesn't she know I wouldn't deny her anything if I didn't have a good reason?  I almost laughed out loud.  I am worse than a 4 year old when it comes to questioning God's plan, protection, and provision.
I know that God is capable of intervening in Addis Ababa and getting our case cleared  and it wouldn't make the top 10 of God's greatest miracles.  It would be nothing.  I will keep asking Him to do so.  But from life experience and from promises I hold in my heart I trust His plan.  If you had told me 8 years ago that at my age I would be bringing home my 3rd child from Ethiopia and would be married for almost 6 years I would have laughed and called you crazy!  Thankfully, God blessed me in spite of my attitude and in spite of my heart.  The blessings are far greater than any plan I could conjure up on my own.  Like I said, it's not always easy but that's okay.  Easy isn't one of the promises I hold in my heart.

There is a lot more that I do not know, than what I do know.  I do not know when Noah will come home, or why it is taking so long, what the embassy will do after this.  But I will end with a quote that is true to what I do know from Elisabeth Elliot's book "Through Gates of Splendor".  I just finished it and it's a great read if you are looking for something.  She writes after her husband's death, "God is the God of human history, and He is at work continuously, mysteriously, accomplishing His eternal purposes in us, through us, for us, and in spite of us." Thankful for what He accomplishes in spite of me.