Court and Life After

December 22, 2011 will forever be a celebratory day in the Jenkins family.  I was up so early that day with nervousness and excitement.  I prayed Deuteronomy 10:17 & 18 for Noah, "For the Lord your God is the God of gods, and Lord of lords, the great, mighty, and awesome God, showing no partiality and taking no bribe.  He executes justice for the fatherless and widow, and loves the foreigner, giving him food and clothing."  I appealed to God's sovereignty and begged Him to give Noah justice that day as a fatherless child.  God heard my prayer and that day around 10am Noah was no longer an orphan but a very loved son.  


I have never been in a court room in the US and the only images in my mind are the ones on TV.  This courthouse was nothing special.  You could easily drive by it and not notice it.  Up on the third floor we waited in a room lined with chairs with 50 other people.  I wondered if any of the young women were there to relinquish rights to their child, I was heartbroken for them.  We didn't wait long and soon all four families there with our agency were taken into a smaller room lined with chairs where we all sat down.  A beautiful Ethiopian woman sat behind a very ordinary desk.  The judge's "court room" was simple and sort of run down.  She called out the names of our children.  She asked all of us simple questions and we answered in unison.  She explained how important it was that we know that this is irreversible and permanent (Praise the Lord!).  She also encouraged us to teach our children about Ethiopia.  Then she said, "All your paperwork is in place, congratulations, they are yours." And we all left the room.  I was in awe of God who looked over every piece of paperwork and every hand that touched our case. It was final, he is our son!  Here's a few pictures of us on court day.

We spent the next day loving on our sweet guy and preparing to head back to the states.  I knew what lay ahead but my heart was broken.  Betty had told me at lunch that she could see I was sad.  I fed Noah and rocked him to sleep that night.  I had to go get ready for the airport and I was so overwhelmed I gave Noah to Dan and went to our room.  I simply could not hand him back to his nanny.  Moms can you imagine?? Can you imagine handing your 3 day old back to the doctor until your birth certificate or social security number came through?? It was the hardest thing I've ever done.  (Y'all give my husband some sympathy for putting up with me on the plane ride home.) And lets be real.  If we had the funds and I could convince my husband I would get on a plane tonight, leave the girls in the care of their dad and gran, and stay there until he could come home.  


The only word that can even come close to how I feel is grief.  I don't know if I have ever really grieved over anything before, but I am over this time apart from my son.  I realize he doesn't know any better, but I do.  I'm grieved over very painful parts of his past that one day I'll have to tell him.  Putting all his sweet things away fills me with such sadness that he is so far from me and in an orphanage I feel paralyzed.  The transition house is incredible.  The nannies love those babies and the director's wife checks on them every day.  But my son is in an orphanage.  His paper work is in the process of being changed over to our last name and his passport is being made with our name and he is being medically cleared by the US, again.  So we are waiting.  And once again I am praying the same prayer that I did the morning of court.  That the God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, mighty, and awesome God, who is bigger than the US embassy, would bring about a miracle and get my Noah home in an amount of time that could only be the result of God bringing justice to the fatherless.  He is capable and I am asking.  


I would like to tell you that I came across a verse or a person said something so inspirational to me that I can carry on joyfully and trusting in the Lord's perfect timing to bring Noah home.  But it isn't true.  It's not that I haven't looked or haven't listened.  I read about Hannah and how she had the son she had prayed for and gave him over to the Lord. I read about the lost son whose father rejoiced when he returned home (Let me tell you, there will be a celebration when Noah comes home!).  I listen to people tell me he'll be home soon, and he's so little he doesn't know.  It's all true.  But my heart still aches.  And it isn't that I don't trust God's timing.  I thought about God adopting me and making me His daughter.  That He sacrificed so much more than I am sacrificing to be Noah's mom.  He let Jesus die for me.  Nothing compares to that.  I wonder if God feels this way when we become His children and just stay where we were and like we were before we became His children.  If we are content to stay in an orphanage like setting because all of our basic needs are met because we are too scared to be obedient and go do what God, who loves His children, has called us to do.  I wonder if He is grieved at all the blessings we are missing.  I'm grieved at all Noah is missing, every day he is missing love from his mom and dad and sisters.  He's missing what it means to be in a family.  I'm grieved over all I'm missing, his smiles and giggles every day, how he's growing.  The difference is Noah can't decide for himself.  He's where he is because of logistics of government.  But probably if we could explain it to him, he might resist.  Hey little guy would you like to be handed over to strangers who don't look anything like you, get in steel box for 17 hours, and go live far away where you don't understand what anyone is saying?  He might rather stay were he is comfortable and where he thinks all his needs are being met.  But we know we have something far greater to offer him and can't wait to bring him home.  Noah doesn't have the option like we do or like the lost son in Luke did.  I just wonder how much I'm missing out on by thinking all my needs are being met, I must be just where God has me to be.  When God has so much more if we are willing to follow Him, to go far away from home, from what we know and love and find comfort in.  Oh the blessings that must be in store.  So maybe I lack faith in trusting God's timing or maybe I love Noah like I'm supposed to love my son and can't wait to celebrate his homecoming.  


I mean check him out...can you blame me??

This is him in his Christmas pajamas holding a picture of his sisters.  Can't wait for all of them to be together.  As Bella Kate almost daily says, "Noah will be so happy to see me!"